When I was pregnant with our little one, I was terrified. My family had been the cause of so much pain, so much sadness.. I had no idea what it meant to be creating my own. I was fearful that the past would be recreated, that more pain and sadness was sure to follow. I was fearful of how we may hurt each other, of what else was in store for me, for us.
Granted, my pregnancy did follow a nervous breakdown, so it wasn’t going to be all tea and cake. On the contrary, I was massive and miserable, with merely a faint understanding that this love would change me, heal me, transform me. It was difficult to see it when I had never felt it - the parent child bond, so inherent.
Although the last three months, the first of my son’s life, were enormously challenging, they were fresh air to my corrupted lungs. His presence has been so sweet and so warming to a heart that had almost gone cold, lifeless. And it has, indeed, completely transformed me, and what I believe family can be.
Throughout my pregnancy I would find images on Pinterest to inspire me, to show me that families could be beautiful, and that home really could hold a space for the heart. I now look around, at my husband and my dog and my child, and I think how lucky I am. Quite a bit of progress from someone who was wallowing in self pity.
I am so grateful to these images for providing me hope, to other families for setting an example, to the one I was born into for showing me what not to do, and to my own for helping me get excited about new beginnings. There is oh so much love ahead.